Maybe tonight, Maybe tomorrow

http://www.livestrong.org/site/c.jvKZLbMRIsG/b.1695823/k.BB94/Maybe_Tonight_Maybe_Tomorrow.htm

The above link should take you to the Lance Armstrong Website where you should find the lyrics to a song called: "Maybe tonight, Maybe tomorrow" written and performed by a band called WIDE AWAKE.

The song was inspired by a bandmembers friend who was diagnosed with Cancer. I only discovered the song a few weeks ago and Dawn downloaded it from i-tunes for .99 cents. It's a very moving song for me right now and if you have known anyone affected by cancer having fought it, still fighting it or beginning to fight it, this song speaks volumes. This is their/our/your anthem.

There is a line: "one thing for certain it may break my body but never break my soul." that strikes me personally this week in particular because I am finding new trouble sleeping with random pain that marches all over my body and settles in bones and muscle groups where it wants to and steals my energy and disturbs my comfort level all day, but especially disturbs me at night.

I've only had one treatment so far and everyday away from that treatment I feel better except for this anonymous pain. And I think about the drugs destroying every cell in my body to kill the cancer and how the drugs and the cancer can break my body but even if I am left with this random pain it won't break my soul.

It's a fight every step of the way and this appears to be my new NORMAL. Sleepless nights of tossing and turning and unable to find a way to be comfortable, let alone stay comfortable.

Sleep is supposed to restore the body, but I can't get enough rest for that to happen. It is literally like the cancer is taking this personally and means to screw with me every chance it gets. And it is...

I tried an over the counter sleep aid last night but found that drug making me more miserable rather than help at all. I have to discuss this with Dr L today. I don't want more drugs in my system but it seems that is the path I'm on now.

How many little amber bottles with child proof caps can I collect between now and July?

"and they say the road to heaven, it may lead us back thru hell. So we're holding on for more than stories to tell. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow we'll win this fight and bury this sorrow we're so alive, still holding on, not ready to die, so we LiveSTRONG."