"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs. And maybe your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery, isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance. Of how much you really want to do it. And you'll do it, despite rejection in the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods. And the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is."
-C. Bukowski. (Factotum)
Friday, July 17, 2009
Quote...End Quote.
"What matters most is how well you walk through the fire."
-C. Bukowski.
This is my new motto, added it to the side bar.
-C. Bukowski.
This is my new motto, added it to the side bar.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Just Stuff...
The more things change, the more they stay the same. The more things stay the same, the more you want them to change....La Misma Mierda!!!
I am in the process of finding my collective word count on this cancer thing as written so far...it is entirely possible I have half a book written at this point. Once I find this number I will be able to focus on editing what I have, figuring out what I need to work on and how to finish it.
Combined blog posts, journals and word documents started and abandoned since December 2006. I pledged to myself that ONCE I had actually written this thing and was done with it once and for all time I would start writing other things (not cancer related)...so the sooner I find this out, the sooner I might get started on other stuff.
Maybe even think about cartooning (yet) again...
But something tells me it will be hard to let go of. We'll see.
I honestly try to forget I ever had cancer. I do. Doesn't work...but I try. (doesn't help that other members of the family currently have some form of it so it is always there. Seems like it always will be.)
oh...my X-rays (from an earlier post) came back more or less normal. There is some arthritic changes in my spine. Nothing cancer related. Just age and weight. The pain I had a few weeks ago did work itself out and so far no problems since.
I still have yet to get that physical done. Planning on one day next week.
I would like to get back to water colors again...I miss that. Haven't done much with it since art school. (my art school years: 1987 thru about 1990) I went to a Fine Arts college basically housed on the top and bottom floors of an "Arts High school" that reminded me of "FAME".
All I wanted to do was cartoon but I loved water color painting. And life drawing class. We had two classes a day, three hours each. I'd sneak into life drawing as often as possible. Learned how to draw from my shoulder and hold the pencil the "right way" and not like a writing utensil. It felt like I was sculpting in two dimensions with graphite and news print.
We had our fair share of nudes of course, but I had one teacher that made me study hands for six months and to this day I am fascinated by anyone's hands. I notice how people accessorize with watches and such and I notice fingers and knuckles on everyone eventually. It's strange, I know.
The stuff that sticks with you.
With water colors and gauche I found a challenging medium that wasn't oil based and didn't need chemicals to clean up. Although paint splattered clothes always felt like a badge of honor. With water colors or gauche you could get it on your clothes and fingers but it didn't stain the same way. I have learned to appreciate what goes into making a water color painting look effortless as any art looks effortless but is a bitch to get done. It's all in the process.
I am a big fan of Jon J. Muth and Kent Williams' work. You can find some info about them and their work here: http://www.asfa.biz/
and here: http://www.asfa.biz/muth.html
and here: http://www.asfa.biz/williams.html
There are others but I have owned books (mostly graphic novels they illustrated) that I wouldn't read for months after buying them...I'd just stare at the pages and get lost in the art. I think I still have a DC comics graphic novel about WWI written and illustrated by George Pratt that I have not read yet...it's got to be 18 years old.
Here is a sample: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Jupiter/3981/dcwar/enemyace2.jpg
and here: http://www.georgepratt.com/
I also have a taste for abstract art so I'd like to combine them both at some point.
...at some point, someday.
When I can find the time and space...I need to get make room for my drafting table (which I have not had room for in almost ten years) which explains why my art has dropped off. Big surprise. Need to fit the "Big Rocks" in first and sometimes when you're done doing that there isn't much room for the smaller rocks. For as much of my life was spent on art being central to who I am or was it was sidelined by real life and it took a back seat to other things.
So it goes.
But I digress...now I try and write as much as I can and I visit old sketch books and doodle from time to time. Sometimes the creative nagging in my gut is satisfied by any writing that gets done but there are times when it drives me up a wall. And nothing curbs it.
Someday I think to myself. Someday.
Sometimes I think my ship is going to come in, I'm not going to be at the dock and I am going to miss it. Because life keeps tripping me up. I find myself most happy when I am writing these days, but to have a studio with my drafting table and/or easels and brushes and tubes of paint and pads of paper...and time....
Now that would heaven.
(got bit by the "rambling bug" tonight...sorry)
Be well.
-S.
I am in the process of finding my collective word count on this cancer thing as written so far...it is entirely possible I have half a book written at this point. Once I find this number I will be able to focus on editing what I have, figuring out what I need to work on and how to finish it.
Combined blog posts, journals and word documents started and abandoned since December 2006. I pledged to myself that ONCE I had actually written this thing and was done with it once and for all time I would start writing other things (not cancer related)...so the sooner I find this out, the sooner I might get started on other stuff.
Maybe even think about cartooning (yet) again...
But something tells me it will be hard to let go of. We'll see.
I honestly try to forget I ever had cancer. I do. Doesn't work...but I try. (doesn't help that other members of the family currently have some form of it so it is always there. Seems like it always will be.)
oh...my X-rays (from an earlier post) came back more or less normal. There is some arthritic changes in my spine. Nothing cancer related. Just age and weight. The pain I had a few weeks ago did work itself out and so far no problems since.
I still have yet to get that physical done. Planning on one day next week.
I would like to get back to water colors again...I miss that. Haven't done much with it since art school. (my art school years: 1987 thru about 1990) I went to a Fine Arts college basically housed on the top and bottom floors of an "Arts High school" that reminded me of "FAME".
All I wanted to do was cartoon but I loved water color painting. And life drawing class. We had two classes a day, three hours each. I'd sneak into life drawing as often as possible. Learned how to draw from my shoulder and hold the pencil the "right way" and not like a writing utensil. It felt like I was sculpting in two dimensions with graphite and news print.
We had our fair share of nudes of course, but I had one teacher that made me study hands for six months and to this day I am fascinated by anyone's hands. I notice how people accessorize with watches and such and I notice fingers and knuckles on everyone eventually. It's strange, I know.
The stuff that sticks with you.
With water colors and gauche I found a challenging medium that wasn't oil based and didn't need chemicals to clean up. Although paint splattered clothes always felt like a badge of honor. With water colors or gauche you could get it on your clothes and fingers but it didn't stain the same way. I have learned to appreciate what goes into making a water color painting look effortless as any art looks effortless but is a bitch to get done. It's all in the process.
I am a big fan of Jon J. Muth and Kent Williams' work. You can find some info about them and their work here: http://www.asfa.biz/
and here: http://www.asfa.biz/muth.html
and here: http://www.asfa.biz/williams.html
There are others but I have owned books (mostly graphic novels they illustrated) that I wouldn't read for months after buying them...I'd just stare at the pages and get lost in the art. I think I still have a DC comics graphic novel about WWI written and illustrated by George Pratt that I have not read yet...it's got to be 18 years old.
Here is a sample: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Jupiter/3981/dcwar/enemyace2.jpg
and here: http://www.georgepratt.com/
I also have a taste for abstract art so I'd like to combine them both at some point.
...at some point, someday.
When I can find the time and space...I need to get make room for my drafting table (which I have not had room for in almost ten years) which explains why my art has dropped off. Big surprise. Need to fit the "Big Rocks" in first and sometimes when you're done doing that there isn't much room for the smaller rocks. For as much of my life was spent on art being central to who I am or was it was sidelined by real life and it took a back seat to other things.
So it goes.
But I digress...now I try and write as much as I can and I visit old sketch books and doodle from time to time. Sometimes the creative nagging in my gut is satisfied by any writing that gets done but there are times when it drives me up a wall. And nothing curbs it.
Someday I think to myself. Someday.
Sometimes I think my ship is going to come in, I'm not going to be at the dock and I am going to miss it. Because life keeps tripping me up. I find myself most happy when I am writing these days, but to have a studio with my drafting table and/or easels and brushes and tubes of paint and pads of paper...and time....
Now that would heaven.
(got bit by the "rambling bug" tonight...sorry)
Be well.
-S.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
My Helium Articles...
My wife reminded me of my "articles" on helium.com. I Googled myself and as usual they come up...follow these links to the few I have written. I have to get back on that site and write some more. (thanks Babe)
http://www.helium.com/items/517216-hodgkins-disease-symptoms
I actually get my "cancerversary" date wrong in this one...don't know what I was thinking.
http://www.helium.com/items/176363-personal-experiences-with-cancer
Another one about Cancer...Big surprise...(they say write what you know)
http://www.helium.com/items/1261264-accepting-cancer
And this one about "writing"...
http://www.helium.com/items/173291-to-be-a-writer
Be Well
Scotty
http://www.helium.com/items/517216-hodgkins-disease-symptoms
I actually get my "cancerversary" date wrong in this one...don't know what I was thinking.
http://www.helium.com/items/176363-personal-experiences-with-cancer
Another one about Cancer...Big surprise...(they say write what you know)
http://www.helium.com/items/1261264-accepting-cancer
And this one about "writing"...
http://www.helium.com/items/173291-to-be-a-writer
Be Well
Scotty
Revisiting my own post...
http://scottscancerblog.blogspot.com/2009/02/cottleston-pie.html
From Feb 9, 2009. Exploring the Cottleston Pie Principle ala Winnie the Pooh and the Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff.
I needed to revisit this principle for my own benefit. I googled "cottleston pie" and my own post came up. (I forgot I posted about it) I also reference the source in this post having brought together some valid points better than I might have.
"Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
A fly can't bird, but a bird can fly.
Ask me a riddle and I reply ...
Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
A fish can't whistle and neither can I,
Ask me a riddle and I reply ...
Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
Why does a chicken, I don't know why.
Ask me a riddle and I reply,
Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie..."
That's some truth right there....
...Be well.
(Know your inner nature, Recognize your limitations and Follow your instincts.)
From Feb 9, 2009. Exploring the Cottleston Pie Principle ala Winnie the Pooh and the Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff.
I needed to revisit this principle for my own benefit. I googled "cottleston pie" and my own post came up. (I forgot I posted about it) I also reference the source in this post having brought together some valid points better than I might have.
"Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
A fly can't bird, but a bird can fly.
Ask me a riddle and I reply ...
Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
A fish can't whistle and neither can I,
Ask me a riddle and I reply ...
Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
Why does a chicken, I don't know why.
Ask me a riddle and I reply,
Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie..."
That's some truth right there....
...Be well.
(Know your inner nature, Recognize your limitations and Follow your instincts.)
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Another new blog
Save The Beans!
http://savethebeans.blogspot.com/
Found another Kidney Cancer blog. Also added a few other ones on the side under Important Links. Maybe I didn't diligently seek out other people in my original search for people with the same affliction I had back in late 2006 and early 2007.
I'm finding them left and right now.
Of course, as it goes since the Kidney was removed almost as soon as it was diagnosed I lose sight of the fact that I ever had kidney cancer...but I obviously did and if not for the Lymphoma we may never have found it.
Most of my experience documented on this blog involves my Lymphoma and the 6 months spent getting chemo. My kidney cancer didn't get a lot of attention and it is a big part of this story... just didn't know it was there.
Maybe I should expand on that in some future blog posts.
Until then, Be Well.
-S.
http://savethebeans.blogspot.com/
Found another Kidney Cancer blog. Also added a few other ones on the side under Important Links. Maybe I didn't diligently seek out other people in my original search for people with the same affliction I had back in late 2006 and early 2007.
I'm finding them left and right now.
Of course, as it goes since the Kidney was removed almost as soon as it was diagnosed I lose sight of the fact that I ever had kidney cancer...but I obviously did and if not for the Lymphoma we may never have found it.
Most of my experience documented on this blog involves my Lymphoma and the 6 months spent getting chemo. My kidney cancer didn't get a lot of attention and it is a big part of this story... just didn't know it was there.
Maybe I should expand on that in some future blog posts.
Until then, Be Well.
-S.
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