Some Thoughts

It's been a long weekend since giving up some kidney cells in my biopsy last Thursday. I hope to hear something early this week. Even though cancer doesn't take weekends off, apparently cancer Doctors do. (nice work if you can get it...)

Hoping (praying) for a call.
They have all the pieces of me they need. C'mon people.

I've been thinking about how easy it is to get angry about having cancer. Angry about having anything like this running around your body, willy nilly jumping from organ to organ (if it chooses to progress that way) seeking to eventually destroy it's host. It's a strange thing. If it gets what it wants, it loses.

It destroys it's life source and it dies too. What does it gain by destroying me?

I'm reminded of John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy..." The thief in this case can easily be seen as Lymphoma. Out to STEAL my hope, KILL my spirit and DESTROY my body. But the rest of this verse reads: "I have come that they may have life and to have it to the full."

And First Peter 5:6-9 "Humble yourselves,therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings."

The words that obviously jump out at me here are Enemy, Thief, Prowl, Devour, Steal, Kill, Destory. Not words I associate with God.

Jesus is quoted in John 10:10 describing himself as the Good Shepherd, here to give life and to give it to the full. In 1st Peter the bible says God will lift us up in due time and advises us to cast our anxiety on him because he cares for us.

I see what Jesus is about, I see what God has to offer...so what's the devil doing for me? Who knows why this evil is lurking in my life? The Shadow knows.

...but then God might have told him.

They say what doesn't kill you does makes you stronger. Maybe I needed something like this to make me re-evaluate my faith and to see if I would run to God or blame him for this.

I know the phone call I am waiting for this week will confirm what my Lymphoma is and if my kidney has to come out or not. I'm not pretending I'm not still in the fight for my life here and that everything is coming up roses. But I know this cancer has not been put upon me by God. I might write it off as just part of the fall of man (waaaaay back in Genesis chapter 3) and that we are all fallen creatures and certainly vulnerable to the pollutants of this world.

Everything dies remember.
Basically Cancer wouldn't exist if we had never fallen out of God's grace. (thanks Eve, thanks Adam. Way to go) -I'm a victim of circumstance here.

We all are.

I'm not angry at God for this going on. I'm not angry at anyone really. I just found myself thinking about who steals, kills and destroys and if there is anything to gain by letting cancer wipe me off the face of the earth.

I'm not about to be devoured.
Old Slewfoot ain't gonna get me.

I wasn't looking to write a sermon here, but I think I almost did.

Can I get an Amen?