Getting tired...

Not a lot to report this week. Funky taste issues are subsiding finally. Fatigue is still a slight problem however. It creeps up on me from out of no where and knocks me for a loop. I'm also having some bone pain this week. Nothing too severe.

I have blood work tomorrow. I need them to stick a different finger-that's starting to hurt.

As close as I am to "half way there" I am getting tired of the process. I know I shouldn't feel that way but after my treatments so far, just thinking about being there and the "smells" associated give me the chills.

Last week we spent most of my time "hooked up" talking to another couple and sharing "how'd you find out" stories and the woman getting treatment told us about a friend of hers who had breast cancer and was in remission when she had seen her Oncologist at a restaurant and immediately felt the urge to vomit.

Lance Armstrong also had a story like that in his book except in his story, the person actually got sick and did vomit...on their Oncologist.

Some how I can understand. Every week prior to going in my brain reminds me of what I dread about the place and the smells being one of them triggers a sort of gag reflex. If I were to run into one of these nurses or Dr L some day after I am long thru with the place would the sight of them trigger that kind of reaction?

I can't explain the smell. It's not like the sterile smell you find in a hospital the chemicals are worse than that. Ugh.

I have a week to go and I'm getting those chills now just writing about it.

On the flip side of course there is the prospect of "being almost done" and sucking it up. So while I'm stuck with the side effects and worse yet, the mental anticipation that has developed with each treatment (it is literally all in my head) I have to remind myself that my next treatment puts me on the "hump" and it's all down hill from there.

Tell that to the parts of my brain that will never forget the smell of saline and bleomycin and hepperin.

Maybe with time their memory will fade.

I can only hope.