Untitled late night post

Maybe Cancer is a side effect of living. I am having a hard time with the continuous fallout from Cancer. It has so screwed up my life in ways I can not explain and it continues to haunt me in new and different ways. (like afflicting other family members)

Financially things may be screwed up for years to come. The fact my kids will have to always mention my cancer when giving their medical histories, along with several grandparents...bugs the crap out of me.

I spend days wondering who I pissed off to be dealing with this much crap in my life. I'm only coming up on 40...how much worse is it going to get?

What lies ahead? Part of me is not looking forward to tomorrow, next week, next year. At this rate I will be only be planning my days by the hour because you never know what shit is coming down the pike.

I am sick to death of dealing with misfortune. All sorts of bad luck came with the house we bought in 2000. Can't sell it now...bank is threatening to take it back...I have tried to explain all of this is a result of medical hardship some two years ago but no one will listen.

I feel like I am being penalized for having cancer.

THIS WASN'T MY FAULT.

Why am I being punished?

Is this payback for something I did in another life?

When does it stop?

It has to stop...


Doesn't it?