I want to be Strong...

I want to be strong.

I want to fight the good fight.

I want to kick Cancer's ass...but it keeps popping up and mocking me. As a two year survivor I am reminded everyday that I am still here. Then I catch a story or passing comment of someone else just diagnosed with cancer...being treated, or having passed.

It feels like it stays close to remind me how fast it can strike again. Almost just proving to me it is choosing people around me until it's ready for me again.

The fact that it continues to haunt my family in some manner or fashion keeps it at just arms length. Even though my Oncologist comforts me with words about the length of time I have between my diagnosis and where I am today means the possibility of recurrence is diminished with each passing day and clean CT scan.

It's still too close.

It's always just under the surface.

Always lurking somewhere. Popping up in other people's lives and screwing up their homes. I see it, I hear about it, I can't escape it.

I can't take it anymore.

I want to be strong.

There is NO CURE FOR CANCER dammit.

It's not going away.

It's winning.


Every time I turn around there it is.

...I want to be strong.

I do.

But it's getting harder and harder to find the strength.

but I try.

It's wearing me down.


Everyday it's winning whether it takes a life or haunts a life...emotionally the threat of it striking this family yet again...just tears me apart.


I want to be strong...I really do.