End of the year Stuff...

I thought this year would never end. But at long last it is.

2007 (and the last 8 weeks of 2006) have been a tough 60 odd weeks to endure. I am being extra reflective this year considering the year we've had.

From my Cancer diagnosis (12/19/06) to my radical nephrectomy (kidney surgery: 1/2/07) to chemo three weeks later to a job loss which lead to the social services trifecta: WIC, Food stamps and Medicaid, followed by putting the house up for sale (and not selling it because no one made an offer in the worst housing market in probably a decade) to facing looming legal issues in 2008.

Can it get any worse? Don't answer that. This has been a very trying year. I have definitely had better. The worst of it of course was between January and July.

Six months of chemo is enough for me thanks. If I never hear the letters ABVD again it will be too soon.

I still have flashbacks. Unexpectedly some fragrance will set off a memory. A random scent will trip a sensory recall of some pungent chemical stink I tasted and/or smelled in those six months of treatment and it will linger sometimes for an hour. I hate it.

Sometimes, sometimes I forget I actually had Cancer.

I bid 2007 a fond fare well. Good Riddance. Easily one the worst years of my 38 on this planet so far.

As the year unwinds I invite you to view and listen to some of the music that strikes a chord with me. My wish and my prayer for 2008 is just for a clear shot at starting over. I wish for better days.

That's all I want, really. The following music/You Tube videos are of artists and songs that sum up where I've been, where I am and where I need to be going.

I hope they speak to you as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITM2AKRT9cI
"Better Days" by Goo Goo Dolls
* The opening lines of this song speak the loudest to me. And honestly they speak to me because all I really want (for the rest of my life) is a chance that maybe we'll find better days...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7HFk6flUOQ
"How you live (turn up the music)" by Point of Grace
* just heard this song on the way home tonight, fell in love with it immediately.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoPb_KS39u8
"LiveSTRONG" by Wideawake.
* this song still gives me goose bumps. Especially the line "It may break my body but never break my soul" -this is my anthem!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgFrfT5V40I
"They don't Understand" by Sawyer Brown
* An awesome song about how no one knows what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes and sometimes we don't care what the next guy is going thru...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMV8L8Jl-cw&feature=related
"I'm no Superman" by Lazlo Bane (also the theme from the TV show "Scrubs")
* I adopted this song after starting chemo. I realized "I can't do this all on my own. I'm no superman"- my family went thru it with me even when I when I went thru it alone.

Scrubs also happens to be one my favorite shows on TV by the way. (End the writer's strike already...give 'em what they want. They deserve it)


On the lighter side of things...

Some of the brightest moments this year took place when people just stepped up and did amazing things for us. Some of those people were complete strangers. I am very humbled by the generosity we received and I can only continue say "thank you" because I can't repay anyone who took time out of their everyday lives and reached out to us.

So here's too better days to come in 2008. (I can only hope)

Amen.


Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days Lyrics

And you ask me what i want this year
and i try to make this good and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
cause i don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things, just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

Chorus:so take these words
and sing out loud
cause everyone is forgiven now
cause tonight's the night the world begins again

and its someplace simple where we could live
and something only you can give
and let's faith and trust and peace while we're alive
and the one poor child who saved this world
and there's 10 million more who probably could
if we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

so take these wordsand sing out loud
cause everyone is forgiven now

i wish everyone was loved tonight
and somehow stop this endless fight
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

so take these wordsand sing out loud
cause everyone is forgiven now
cause tonight's the night the world begins again

cause tonight's the night the world begins again



Point Of Grace Lyrics - How You Live (Turn Up The Music) Lyrics

Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don’t hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don’t spend your life looking back

Chorus
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won’t regret it
Looking back from where you have been
Coz it’s not who you knew
And it’s not what you did
It’s how you live

So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
and go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
on’t run from the truth‘
Cause you can’t get away
Just face it and you’ll be ok

Chorus
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won’t regret it
Lookin’ back from where you have been‘
Cause it’s not who you knew
It's how you live

Oh wherever you are and wherever you’ve been
Now is the time to begin
So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
E’en when you don’t think that you can‘
Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself‘
Cause in the end there’s nobody else

Chorus
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out‘
Cause you won’t regret it
Lookin’ back from where you have been‘
Cause it’s not who you knew
And it’s not what you did
It’s how you live

‘Cause it’s not who you knew
And it’s not what you did
It’s how you live


WIDEAWAKE Maybe Tonight, Maybe Tomorrow (LiveSTRONG) lyrics

I heard the news today.
It came out of nowhere.
I wish I could run away,but where would I go?
Is this my destiny?
Something so unfair...What will become of me?
God only knows.
And they say the road to heaven might lead us back through hell.

Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow,we will win this fight and bury this sorrow.
We're so alive, still holding on, not ready to die,so we LIVESTRONG.

My pride is left for dead, as my world gets shaken.
The thoughts inside my head are so hard to control.
I am staring down the unknown,but one thing is certain.
It might break my body,but never break my soul.

And they say the road to heaven might leads us back through hell,but we're holding on for more than stories to tell.

Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow,we will win this fight and bury this sorrow.

We're so alive, still holding on, not ready to die, so we LIVESTRONG.



Saywer Brown Lyrics They Don't Understand

A mother riding on a city bus
Kids are yelling kicking up a fuss
Everybody's staring not knowing what she's going through
Somebody said don't you even care?
Do you let 'em do that everywhere?
She slowly turned around, looked up and stared
She said Please forgive them
But they've been up all night
Their father struggled but he finally lost his fight
He went to heaven
In the middle of the night
So please forgive my children(They don't understand)

Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true(They don't understand)
Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you never really know what your neighbor's going through(They don't understand)

A man driving on the interstate
Slowing down traffic making everybody late
Everybody's staring not knowing what he's going through
Somebody honked from the passing lane
Yellin' out the window, I ain't got all day
The old man looked around and he caught his eye
He said please forgive me
You know it's been a long life
My wife has passed away and my kids don't have the time
've been left all alone
And its getting hard to drive
o please forgive me children(They don't understand)

Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true(They don't understand)
Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you never really know what your neighbor's going through(They don't understand)

A man hanging on a wooden cross
Giving everything to save the lost
Everybody's starin' not knowin' what he's going through
Somebody said you don't have a prayer
If you were king, come down from there
The man just turned his head looked up and stared
He said please forgive them
For they have not seen the light
They'll come to know me when I come back to life
Go to heaven, to make everything all right
So please forgive your children(They don't understand)

Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true(They don't understand)
Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you never really know what your neighbor's going through(They don't understand)

A mother riding on a city bus
Kids are yelling kicking up a fuss
Everybody's staring not knowing what she's going through



Lazlo Bane I"m No Superman Lyrics

Out the door just in time
Head down the 405
Gotta meet the new boss by 8 a.m.
The phone rings in the car
The wife is workin' hard
She's running late tonight again
WellI know what I've been told,
You got to work to feed the soul
But I can't do this all on my own
o, I know, I'm no Superman

I'm no Superman

You've got your love online
You think you're doing fine
ut you're just plugged into the wall
And that deck of tarot cards
Won't get you very far
There ain't no hand to break your fall
WellI know what I've been told
You gotta know just when to fold
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman

I'm no Superman

That's right
You've crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all
I need you here with me
Cause love is all we need
Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall

Well I know what I've been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can't do this all on my own
No I can't do this all on my own
I know that I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

Someday we'll be together
I'm no Superman
Someday
Someday we'll be together
Someday

I'm no Superman



Have a great New Years Eve. See you in 2008 !

God bless and Good Night.




Remember: Remission is not a Cure.

This fight isn't over yet!

Remission day: 5/18/07 (six months and counting...)

"Never Stop Fighting until the Fight is Done!"