Enlightenment...

That might be a heavy title for this post but I've been thinking about how much more aware of things I am since I was diagnosed. Cancer has been a sort of tuning fork for me. It slowed me down. It got my attention...

Prior to December 19th last year (or actually November 4th-when I found the lump) I was rushing around trying to "get somewhere" by the time I was 40.

I figured by 40 I should at least know who was, where I was going and how I was going to get there. But then cancer popped up and knocked me off whatever course I was on. I was essentially just chasing a dream of writing and cartooning and trying to make ends meet and some how get above water and stay there long enough to figure the rest out.

But today I am more aware and alert and listening to my body, the earth and life around me. I am trying to slow down and let life take it's own sweet time. I am trying to let life simmer instead of boil over...I am trying to let things roll off my shoulders. It is not easy, but I'm working on it. I am trying to find my place in the universe and to stop interfering with the natural order of things.

Rome wasn't built in a day, we each took at least 9 months in the womb and as far as we know it God took 7 days to create heaven and earth. Things take time. I am trying to relax and just let things be what they will be. I am trying to let people be who they will be and above and beyond that I am trying to just "be."

My eating habits have changed in response to the wake up call cancer gave me, I work in the following on a near daily basis as often as possible...

Flax Seed, Black and Green Tea(s), Almonds, Blueberries, Yogurt, Garlic, Fish Oil, Apple Cider Vinegar and to make up any extra veggies V8. I feel better for the most part but CT scans start in October and I am a little anxious about that. But I suppose that is to be expected...

My joints; (knees, shoulders, hips and fingers) all hurt on a pretty regular basis. My neck now sounds like rice crispies when I turn it and my left knee flares up from time to time. I can crack my knuckles almost every 20 minutes or so...and they are getting louder. And my shoulders and my hips "POP" for no apparent reason. I am writing this off as chemo side effects.

That doesn't include the neuopathy that still flares up almost everyday, but I am getting used to these new pains. What else can I do?

I am working full time for a Honda Dealership and working on improving my life and my family's lives where I can. I am still humbled by the idea of how dangerous my cancer(s) were. Especially the Kidney. I am lucky to still be here if not for the Hodgkin's. So I still see my life as having a second chance to do some good. My friend Dave is working with me to hopefully establish a non-profit organization to help other people affected by Cancer. If that doesn't take shape exactly as we see it now, I will still be trying to improve life for me and for others...

I hope to use my time when I can to help others where I can. I need to improve my kids' lives and improve life with my best friend and partner in this rat race, my wife of 11 years who has been by my side thru all of this crap since it began.

I still plan on working my way into Emergency Services and writing on the side. I hope to get the "Second Chance Mission" up and running with all the support we have from our advisers and would be board members and otherwise keep moving forward. But I am not in a rush to get there anymore. If it's meant to happen, it will happen.

Life is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it. I will continue to plug away at living this life as best as I can, staying below the radar and doing some good. I plan on writing it all down and if I never sell a word or see a single word published...so be it.

I'm finding life is actually about the journey and not the destination like they said all along. I am going to get out of the way and let it do what it does...

No more square pegs in round holes for me. Fish don't live in trees and birds don't stay underwater for too long if they can help it. It has taken disease to more or less open my eyes to what is important. I watch people scurrying about in traffic, huffing and puffing over the dumbest things at work and I chuckle a little because they will eventually get their bucket of shit to deal with some day and it will slow them down too.

Life evens itself out.

Everybody gets theirs. It comes in seasons, years go by and life is sweet and then one day...