"it is written..."

My manuscript. I'd like to say this is my "first" book, hopefully I will want to write another one someday if I survive the re-write process. Only time will tell.

I feel like a proud father..."I birthed that thing." I created it. That is my new headache. Here's to working on the second draft.

-Scott

and the hits just keep coming...

In the last few days this week I have learned about two family members newly diagnosed with cancer. My mother-in-law has had her 4th recurrence and an uncle was recently diagnosed with Prostate cancer.

It just doesn't go away.

My immediate reaction to my mother-in-law's recurrence was to be pissed off that nothing works, no one is getting away clean and it wont go away. I felt helpless and angry and had that gut wrenching pain that reminds me that "remission is not a cure" There are no guarantees.

But after a day of pretending cancer doesn't exist I caught a "Sports Center" broadcast that featured short films or spots about people and their cancer in-between commercial breaks. The spots were from "Livestrong" and I found more of them on-line.

I posted a link to one "Short" on this blog. Certainly I found them inspiring and motivating and
I decided I can't let cancer beat me now...I kicked it's ass (with some chemical assistance) how can I just give up now?

The next day or so later I sat down and found my collective written word count that showed me all the writing I have been doing up til now has amounted to a "book" and that I need to stream line into something people might want to read.

I plan on reaching out to my former Urologist who diagnosed my Kidney cancer and performed my nephrectomy. I hope to consult both my Oncologists along the way and add my wife's version of events into the story. And with a little help from some friends of friends maybe find a sympathetic eye who knows someone who might show some interest in publishing it.

If not...so be it. But I have gotten this far might as well go all the way.

I can't afford to give up now. Even with the news of recent diagnosis and how much it pisses me off...I have to stay in the fight and promote awareness and early detection and get this book, my story...our story out there.

It might help someone recently diagnosed like Lance Armstrong's book kind of helped me.

Finding like voices in like situations lessens the isolation. Finding commonality breeds community and builds hope.

I need to get our story out there because someone out there some where will find it just when they need it and know they are not alone. That is important to me. I didn't go thru this to build character. I went thru this and have been writing about it for someone else.

Just haven't met them yet.


In the meantime...Cancer still SUCKS!

Be Well.

72 ways to be a better writer

Doing these things can help you become a better writer:
1. Become a blogger.
2. Use self-imposed word limits.
3. Accept all forms of criticism and learn to grow from it.
4. Read what you’ve written over and over, until you can’t find any more problems.
5. Show what you write to a trusted friend for feedback.
6. Outline. And then write to that outline.
7. Edit, and edit again.
8. Live with passion.
9. Be open, curious, present, and engaged.
10. Take a break between writing and editing.
11. Learn a new word a day.
12. Get the pen and fingers moving.
13. Write in different genres: blog posts, poems, short stories, essays.
14. Read grammar books.
15. Write without distractions.
16. Challenge yourself: write in a crowded cafe, write on the toilet, write for 24 hours straight.
17. Take a trip. Road trips, beach trips, bus trips, plane trips.
18. Watch movies. Can you write the story better?
19. Write. And then write some more.
20. Read, think, read, write, ponder, write - and read some more.
21. Read your stuff aloud to anyone who can stand it - including the cat.
22. Go back and cut 10% from your word count.
23. Talk to people.
24. Listen to how people talk.
25. Read lots of books. Both good and bad.
26. Make notes of your (fleeting) brilliant ideas.
27. Start your writing ahead of time - not hours before a deadline.
28. Listen to podcasts on writing tips.
29. Use simple, declarative sentences.
30. Avoid passive voice.
31. Limit your use of adjectives and adverbs.
32. When in doubt, cut it out.
33. Kill clunky sentences.
34. Be inspired by other art forms - music, dance, sculpture, painting.
35. Read your old stuff and acknowledge how far you’ve come - and how far you have to go.
36. Write for publication, even if it’s only for the local newsletter or a small blog.
37. Make writing your priority in the morning.
38. Keep squeezing words out even if you feel uninspired.
39. Tell everyone: “I’m a writer.”
40. Recognize your fear and overcome it.
41. Let your articles rest and then return to them with fresh eyes.
42. Comment on your favorite blogs.
43. Keep a journal to keep the writing juices flowing.
44. Use a journal to sort out your thoughts and feelings.
45. Keep it simple.
46. Practice monotasking. Set a timer for uninterrupted writing.
47. Watch people.
48. Get to know someone different from you and reflect on the experience.
49. Try new ideas or hobbies - the more variety you have in your life, the more likely you are to keep on generating good ideas on the page.
50. Read works from different cultures. It helps keep your writing from tasting stale in the mouths of your readers.
51. Rethink what is ‘normal’.
52. Work on brilliant headlines.
53. Check if your assumptions are right.
54. Join a writing group. If you can’t find one, form one.
55. Write during your most productive hours of the day.
56. Designate time to research.
57. Take time to muse and mindmap.
58. Map out a writing schedule for your project and stick to it.
59. Ask someone else to proofread.
60. Read Zinsser’s “On Writing Well” at least once a year.
61. Break out of your comfort zone.
62. Write at the scene. If you want to write about a beach, get a picnic rug and go write by the sea.
63. Go to the supermarket, the ball game, the class room, the building site. Make notes of the sensuous details, the atmosphere, the people.
64. Start with metaphors and stories.
65. Approach writing with gratitude, not just with a ‘must do this’ attitude.
66. Deconstruct and analyze books and articles you enjoy.
67. Know about story architecture. Many writers don’t. Which is like doing heart surgery or flying an airliner by intuition. Survival rates are low.
68. Socialize with other writers.
69. Stretch or exercise in between writing.
70. Make a note of ideas for further development before you leave a piece for tomorrow.
71.Use mindmaps for inspiration.
72. Take risks - don’t be afraid to shock. You are not who you think you are.

borrowed from: http://www.copyblogger.com/better-writer/


Be Well.

Official Written Word Count

Since I started blogging and writing off-line about my cancer I have finally arrived at an official written word count that may constitute a "First Draft"...

My word count as of 5 minutes ago is: 105, 308 words and a total of 313 pages.

Including every blog post since December 6, 2006 until this past June 2009 and a few other things I've written since my cancer diagnosis. One other piece I wrote with my kids in mind runs 50 pages and 25k words. It's all in there.

Next step, printing this monster out and starting to edit and re-write it.



Lets hope it doesn't take two years to re-write it.

I'll let you know.

-Be Well.

Scott

You need to watch this video...

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=111879311115&h=YqPR7&u=mjtoC&ref=nf

You really need to watch this guy's 4 minute video about his cancer.



...Be Well

Bone Pain Returns

Seems the arthritic changes in my bones my PCP found on my last x-ray can and will flare up when ever the hell it wants to. Moderate to annoying but not terribly severe lower back and shoulder pain flared up two days ago. From out of nowhere.

Still feeling it a little bit today. It's funny how it starts in one spot and travels everywhere in my body like it's looking for a way out. Shoulders were especially bad this time and the exact same spot on my left hip I previously complained about to Dr K. started soon after. My wife could see how uncomfortable I was in a very short amount of time.

By the next day nearly every finger and toe hurt at some point, bones in my feet and hands and the symphony of snaps, crackles and pops i could hear and feel from my neck to my wrists, elbows and shoulders would make a certain box of cereal jealous.

I haven't taken anything for the pain and it hasn't completely gone away yet but I have had two flare ups in about two weeks time. I suppose this is just something new to get used to.

I need to start marking the calendar.

...

Went to Sandy Hook last Saturday and remembered how a year ago last summer we were down there with friends of ours and Steve took us to the Navesink Light House. I had never seen it before. I snapped a photo of the Hook from the light house tower we climbed into.

We had a great time that day. We stayed on the bay side and wasted the day away playing with the kids, looking for shells and tiny fish and dodging the tide.

In January of this year Steve died of a sudden heart attack at age 39. Steve and I were becoming very good friends as our families hung out together. His youngest and my oldest are class mates. His death hit me like a ton of bricks.

On our way out of Sandy Hook this past Saturday we hit some construction traffic and were caught in the shadow of the Navasink Light house and the sunset. We snapped some more photos of the light house and the shore line and setting sun and it struck me all over again how much I miss Steve.

Sandy Hook, the twin light houses of Navesink and the bay side of the hook will always remind me of him and the days we spent getting to know each other as our families spent the better part of last year together.

It was very strange seeing the light house again. If not for Steve it never would have registered and it would mean nothing to me.

A few months after our day at Navesink last year I discovered a Jersey based band called The Gas Light Anthem and they have a song called "The Navesink Banks"

The lyrics don't apply to anything other than it references the "light on the navesink banks" and it will always be associated to that day and that place because of Steve. (and because I like this band)

"all hope abandon, ye who enter here"

said the sign i read that was hanging above her bed

and the sirens over wailing

but a man cant ignore the signs

you gotta keep a good eye

on the winding road ahead

and my first sin was a young american girl

and i spent time 'neath the tressels

with the punks and the dimestore saints

kept faith and a switchblade tucked beneath my coat

and i ran with dirty angels

slept out in the rain

we were scared and tired and barely 17

and my first sin was the fear that made me old

and i walked down by the shipyards

near the place where i was born

saying "ah maria, if you woulda known me when..."

but she just smiles by the light on the navesink banks

saying "listen baby i know you now"

and she steps into the river

and i just stand by the moon

thinkin' 'bout a ghost i hear at night

and she says your first sin was a lie you told yourself

Here is a you tube video of a live performance...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu7M7eGsVII&feature=related

I can not wait until I can catch these guys live someday.

Be Well.

-Scott.

Frank McCourt, Author. Dies at 78

Frank McCourt, Author of ‘Angela’s Ashes,’ Dies at 78

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/20/books/20mccourt.html?_r=1&ref=books

Mr. McCourt, who taught in the city’s school system for nearly 30 years, had always told his writing students that they were their own best material. In his mid-60s, he decided to take his own advice, sitting down to commit his childhood memories to paper and producing what he described as “a modest book, modestly written.”

“Angela’s Ashes,” published by Scribner in 1996, rose to the top of the best-seller lists and stayed there for more than two years, selling four million copies in hardback. The next year, it won the Pulitzer Prize for biography and the National Book Critics Circle Award.




...S.

A favorite Website

Check out:

http://www.on-my-desk.blogspot.com/

An interesting glimpse into the work spaces of creative thinkers...

On Writing...(just a thought)

"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs. And maybe your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery, isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance. Of how much you really want to do it. And you'll do it, despite rejection in the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods. And the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is."

-C. Bukowski. (Factotum)

Quote...End Quote.

"What matters most is how well you walk through the fire."

-C. Bukowski.

This is my new motto, added it to the side bar.

Just Stuff...

The more things change, the more they stay the same. The more things stay the same, the more you want them to change....La Misma Mierda!!!

I am in the process of finding my collective word count on this cancer thing as written so far...it is entirely possible I have half a book written at this point. Once I find this number I will be able to focus on editing what I have, figuring out what I need to work on and how to finish it.

Combined blog posts, journals and word documents started and abandoned since December 2006. I pledged to myself that ONCE I had actually written this thing and was done with it once and for all time I would start writing other things (not cancer related)...so the sooner I find this out, the sooner I might get started on other stuff.

Maybe even think about cartooning (yet) again...

But something tells me it will be hard to let go of. We'll see.

I honestly try to forget I ever had cancer. I do. Doesn't work...but I try. (doesn't help that other members of the family currently have some form of it so it is always there. Seems like it always will be.)

oh...my X-rays (from an earlier post) came back more or less normal. There is some arthritic changes in my spine. Nothing cancer related. Just age and weight. The pain I had a few weeks ago did work itself out and so far no problems since.

I still have yet to get that physical done. Planning on one day next week.

I would like to get back to water colors again...I miss that. Haven't done much with it since art school. (my art school years: 1987 thru about 1990) I went to a Fine Arts college basically housed on the top and bottom floors of an "Arts High school" that reminded me of "FAME".

All I wanted to do was cartoon but I loved water color painting. And life drawing class. We had two classes a day, three hours each. I'd sneak into life drawing as often as possible. Learned how to draw from my shoulder and hold the pencil the "right way" and not like a writing utensil. It felt like I was sculpting in two dimensions with graphite and news print.

We had our fair share of nudes of course, but I had one teacher that made me study hands for six months and to this day I am fascinated by anyone's hands. I notice how people accessorize with watches and such and I notice fingers and knuckles on everyone eventually. It's strange, I know.

The stuff that sticks with you.

With water colors and gauche I found a challenging medium that wasn't oil based and didn't need chemicals to clean up. Although paint splattered clothes always felt like a badge of honor. With water colors or gauche you could get it on your clothes and fingers but it didn't stain the same way. I have learned to appreciate what goes into making a water color painting look effortless as any art looks effortless but is a bitch to get done. It's all in the process.

I am a big fan of Jon J. Muth and Kent Williams' work. You can find some info about them and their work here: http://www.asfa.biz/

and here: http://www.asfa.biz/muth.html

and here: http://www.asfa.biz/williams.html

There are others but I have owned books (mostly graphic novels they illustrated) that I wouldn't read for months after buying them...I'd just stare at the pages and get lost in the art. I think I still have a DC comics graphic novel about WWI written and illustrated by George Pratt that I have not read yet...it's got to be 18 years old.

Here is a sample: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Jupiter/3981/dcwar/enemyace2.jpg

and here: http://www.georgepratt.com/

I also have a taste for abstract art so I'd like to combine them both at some point.

...at some point, someday.

When I can find the time and space...I need to get make room for my drafting table (which I have not had room for in almost ten years) which explains why my art has dropped off. Big surprise. Need to fit the "Big Rocks" in first and sometimes when you're done doing that there isn't much room for the smaller rocks. For as much of my life was spent on art being central to who I am or was it was sidelined by real life and it took a back seat to other things.

So it goes.

But I digress...now I try and write as much as I can and I visit old sketch books and doodle from time to time. Sometimes the creative nagging in my gut is satisfied by any writing that gets done but there are times when it drives me up a wall. And nothing curbs it.

Someday I think to myself. Someday.

Sometimes I think my ship is going to come in, I'm not going to be at the dock and I am going to miss it. Because life keeps tripping me up. I find myself most happy when I am writing these days, but to have a studio with my drafting table and/or easels and brushes and tubes of paint and pads of paper...and time....

Now that would heaven.


(got bit by the "rambling bug" tonight...sorry)
Be well.
-S.

My Helium Articles...

My wife reminded me of my "articles" on helium.com. I Googled myself and as usual they come up...follow these links to the few I have written. I have to get back on that site and write some more. (thanks Babe)

http://www.helium.com/items/517216-hodgkins-disease-symptoms

I actually get my "cancerversary" date wrong in this one...don't know what I was thinking.
http://www.helium.com/items/176363-personal-experiences-with-cancer

Another one about Cancer...Big surprise...(they say write what you know)
http://www.helium.com/items/1261264-accepting-cancer

And this one about "writing"...
http://www.helium.com/items/173291-to-be-a-writer





Be Well
Scotty

Revisiting my own post...

http://scottscancerblog.blogspot.com/2009/02/cottleston-pie.html

From Feb 9, 2009. Exploring the Cottleston Pie Principle ala Winnie the Pooh and the Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff.

I needed to revisit this principle for my own benefit. I googled "cottleston pie" and my own post came up. (I forgot I posted about it) I also reference the source in this post having brought together some valid points better than I might have.

"Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
A fly can't bird, but a bird can fly.
Ask me a riddle and I reply ...

Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
A fish can't whistle and neither can I,
Ask me a riddle and I reply ...

Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
Why does a chicken, I don't know why.
Ask me a riddle and I reply,
Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie..."


That's some truth right there....


...Be well.
(Know your inner nature, Recognize your limitations and Follow your instincts.)

Some things do get better with age. That's all I have to say about these guys.

Be Well

Another new blog

Save The Beans!

http://savethebeans.blogspot.com/

Found another Kidney Cancer blog. Also added a few other ones on the side under Important Links. Maybe I didn't diligently seek out other people in my original search for people with the same affliction I had back in late 2006 and early 2007.

I'm finding them left and right now.

Of course, as it goes since the Kidney was removed almost as soon as it was diagnosed I lose sight of the fact that I ever had kidney cancer...but I obviously did and if not for the Lymphoma we may never have found it.

Most of my experience documented on this blog involves my Lymphoma and the 6 months spent getting chemo. My kidney cancer didn't get a lot of attention and it is a big part of this story... just didn't know it was there.

Maybe I should expand on that in some future blog posts.


Until then, Be Well.


-S.

2 Cancer Public Service Announcements (i2y.org)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiGa9blqhOc&feature=PlayList&p=F97E17B70E201A16&index=0&playnext=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47V-YIqPhQk&feature=PlayList&p=F97E17B70E201A16&index=1&playnext=2&playnext_from=PL


Worth Watching. Please check these out.
If you're diagnosed with cancer between 15 and 39, just pretend it's 1977.


Be Well
-Scotty

Maybe Tonight, Maybe Tomorrow

The Lyrics to "Maybe Tonight, Maybe Tomorrow" byt WIDEAWAKE

"I heard the news today. t came out of nowhere. I wish I could run away,but where would I go?

Is this my destiny? Something so unfair...What will become of me?God only knows.

And they say the road to heaven might lead us back through hell.

Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow,we will win this fight and bury this sorrow.
We're so alive, still holding on, not ready to die,so we LIVESTRONG.

My pride is left for dead,as my world gets shaken.The thoughts inside my head are so hard to control.

I am staring down the unknown,but one thing is certain.You could break my body,but you will never break my soul.

And they say the road to heaven might leads us back through hell,but we're holding on for more than stories to tell. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow,we will win this fight and bury this sorrow.We're so alive, still holding on, not ready to die, so we LIVESTRONG."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoPb_KS39u8

Lance Armstrong Foundation Manifesto

(felt like revisiting this...) http://www.livestrong.org/site/c.khLXK1PxHmF/b.2661055/k.E8CE/Manifesto.htm

The Manifesto of the Lance Armstrong Foundation

We believe in life.Your life.We believe in living every minute of it with every ounce of your being.
And that you must not let cancer take control of it.We believe in energy: channeled and fierce.

We believe in focus: getting smart and living strong.Unity is strength. Knowledge is power. Attitude is everything.

This is the Lance Armstrong Foundation.

We kick in the moment you’re diagnosed.We help you accept the tears. Acknowledge the rage.We believe in your right to live without pain.We believe in information. Not pity.

And in straight, open talk about cancer.With husbands, wives and partners. With kids, friends and neighbors. And the people you live with, work with, cry and laugh with.

This is no time to pull punches.You’re in the fight of your life.

We’re about the hard stuff.

Like finding the nerve to ask for a second opinion.

And a third, or a fourth, if that’s what it takes.We’re about getting smart about clinical trials.

And if it comes to it, being in control of how your life ends.

It’s your life. You will have it your way.

We’re about the practical stuff.Planning for surviving. Banking your sperm. Preserving your fertility. Organizing your finances. Dealing with hospitals, specialists, insurance companies and employers.

It’s knowing your rights.

It’s your life.

Take no prisoners.

We’re about the fight.We’re your champion on Capitol Hill. Your advocate with the healthcare system. Your sponsor in the research labs.

And we know the fight never ends.

Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your life.

This is the Lance Armstrong Foundation.

Founded and inspired by one of the toughest cancer survivors on the planet.

LIVESTRONG™

Articles on Renal Cell Therapies in CURE

http://www.curetoday.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/article.show/id/2/article_id/1162

http://www.curetoday.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/article.show/id/2/article_id/1131


For advanced clear-cell RCC, the medicines have made a dramatic difference in physicians’ conversations with patients. Figlin says he can tell newly diagnosed patients and their families that there’s a high chance of benefit from the treatment, with the potential to improve symptoms and extend life. “Although they are not curative treatments, they can turn this disease into more of a chronic management disease,” he says. “We were not able to have that conversation just five years ago.”

I was not given much of an option when diagnosed with RCC (Renal Cell Carcinoma). Perhaps it was strictly because my case was as advanced as it was and the risk for metastasis was still very much a possibility. My tumor measured 7.5 cm x 2.5 cm...roughly 3.5 inches in size. According to this article, targeted therapies can be considered if the tumor is up to 4cm which means surgical removal of the entire kidney may not be necessary.

While my surgery was performed Laparoscopically using the DaVinci Surgical system (basically a robot) I had what is known as a Radical Nephrectomy which involved removing the entire kidney, tumor, adrenal gland and lymph nodes. I'd like to believe if they could have removed the tumor and left me the kidney they would have...apparently science has arrived at designing drugs that can extend the life of someone with advanced Kidney cancer. Which is awesome. My understanding at the time was that Kidney Cancer doesn't respond to chemo and the like. If this has changed that is incredible news.

Since the 5 year survival rate of metastatic Renal Cell is a sad 5%...anything that will extend the life someone with this disease is extraordinary.

I may not believe there will ever be a cure but I think I can believe in science finding a way to treat all cancers like a chronic disease. That seems likely.

Renal Cell Carcinoma is...or was my primary Cancer. We just found it by accident. It was possibly 3 to 5 years old when it was discovered. We only found it because they (my Dr's) were looking into the tumors in my neck and chest which turned out to be Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

The Hodgkin's I guess is my secondary Cancer.

Sometimes I almost forget I had Renal Cell because almost as quickly as it was discovered It was removed. But then I remember I have only one kidney and of course there are the nifty scars I got to keep as souvenirs.


Be well.