...Life hands you little moments

I am at strange place in my life right now... 2 years post treatment, approaching my 3rd "cancerversary" in December. Both kids in school now. A 4th grader and a brand new Kindergartener...where has the time gone?

I am looking at turning 40 in about 6 weeks and it's bitter sweet because in 2006 when I learned about the extent of my cancer(s) I wondered if I'd even see the big FOUR OH!...and God willing it's straight ahead.

I have had to deal with cancer in other corners of my family and in the process found things just as frustrating as usual with family. I learned after nearly 40 years I have been a Black Sheep in a family of Lemmings. I never followed the leader, I always went against the grain (as my wife puts it)...I have always asked questions and ran my mouth.

I have mourned the lonely elephants in the room my parents ignored.

I believe I was one of those elephants...that's why no one heard me.

I feel like I have been screaming into the abyss forever...no one hears me or has ever heard me...It always seemed that I was the one causing trouble.

And then I am finally labeled an "Inconsiderate Scumbag" for thinking about my wife and kids and the well being of their lives and mental health in spite of other health issues working their way into my extended family...I have had my fight with Cancer, we have dealt with it already.

So I stood up and walked away. Silence speaks the loudest voice and I won't go back...back to how it was.

I Can't.

If you have not seen the movie "Garden State" please rent it. The photo above is from the film and it is exactly what needs to be done if not done enough and what I feel like I have been doing all these years...

Life keeps handing me these little moments when everything seems in tune and for a few moments everything seems to make sense.

I am learning how to breathe again. I feel I am actually moving past my Cancer and getting on with life. (maybe hitting 40 has something to do with that)...I'm turning a page, ending one chapter to finally start another one.

I can't afford to look back.

I've come too far...