CHANGE is good

I am 13 months in remission, every time I pass the 18th of the month it brings me closer to my next anniversary and to the five year mark.

I am currently reading (in the closing chapters) of "Into The Wild" by Jon Krakauer. A true story about one man's fateful journey into the Alaskan wilderness. Sean Penn turned it into a movie. I have not seen it yet. I am also in the middle of yet another Anne Lamott book, this one called:
"Grace (eventually)"

I started a John Grisham novel only because I primarily read non-fiction and figured if I were ever to attempt to write a novel I should get a taste for fiction. And my wife is a big fan of his.

Finally I picked up "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" and a companion book that goes along with it that expands on the themes and message contained within. I have yet to purchase Randy Pausch's book "The Last Lecture" -on my last attempt at the book store I was told it was sold out...again.

I suppose the internet may be my only chance.

Also Discovery Channel turned one of their channels into Planet Green (channel 286 on DirecTV) and I find myself on this channel 80% of the time when the TV is on. Which is not often anymore. I am finding the History channel, Science channel and of course good ol' Discovery channel to be the only stuff with programing on the idiot box that is worth paying attention to anymore.

I have noticed in the last few weeks I personally feel very at ease with life. I am busy as hell with little or no time to spend freely but things seem to be strangely okay lately. I wonder if it is because I have tried to embrace the flow of how life will do what it will do. My lack of resistance to how events in my day unfold has a direct result on my attitude throughout the day. If I let myself lose control and my temper then things always unravel, if I accept things as they are and don't fight the current (if you will) I don't get worked up and things work themselves out...

Just go with the flow. This is not a natural state for me. I usually have to be in control of things that affect me and my personal space. Giving up control of any sort and letting life do what it will is a new state of mind and a minor struggle, but I'm getting there- I think.

Part of this struggle is because I used to have a time/life expectation for myself. Cancer interrupted this "plan"- a plan I have struggled to work within since I can remember. This time/life expectation involved my personal belief that I needed to be "doing" something and/or be"somebody" by age 40, and this largely pertained to being the "cartoonist/writer" I set out to be in eighth grade...nearly 30 years ago.

NOTE: "My" plan was to be a syndicated cartoonist by age 30. Apparently this was not either Life's plan or God's plan for my life. (This is part of letting life do what it does- acknowledgement that I have no say in how my life works out.)

I have since forgiven myself for self imposing a deadline I was never going to meet. I now am just returning to the original idea of making art for arts sake. I have no reason to push myself to publish anything (although it would be nice to make a living of some kind making art) but once I decided any writing I was doing was primarily for my kids benefit (in the near and distant future) it took the pressure off of "selling" it to make a living, now if I arrive at something I want to send off for consideration and I get lucky then that would be "money for nothing" and I might actually enjoy creating again.

Cancer interrupted our lives and shook things up pretty quickly but it allowed me to learn how to roll with the punches because all life seems set out to do is knock us down-and if I learned anything it's not about getting knocked down...it's about getting back up.


It's always about getting back up, even if it takes a while.

I have (we all have) set backs...life gets in the way. LIFE = CHANGE that's all there is to it.

John Lennon said (and this is the truth) "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

My motto now is "acknowledge and move on" and keep floating down stream because when you fight the current or try to swim in the other direction you ALWAYS end up in trouble.

Life is about balance. Balance within ourselves and balance with nature. When life is out of balance things spiral out of control.

Just look at the environment and the state of the world at large. Personal life/balance issues aside...things are definitely out of balance in the world.

Too much war and not enough peace.
Too much pollution and not enough clean air.
Too much pavement and not enough grass.
Too many buildings and not enough farms.
Too many malls (and roads and housing developments) and not enough wildlife.
Too much greed and not enough compassion.

Too many artificial lights...you can't see the stars.


You see my point.


Find balance.
Be well.


...

CHECK UP Yesterday...

Saw Dr L yesterday, he gave me my quick physical exam, we talked quickly about how I'm feeling and he quite confidently assured me "there is nothing going on" (in regards to cancer) and he advised me that my next scan will be a PET/CT scan.

I woke up father's day from a dream that there was something wrong on my other kidney. Kind of unsettling honestly, but I don't give much weight to dreams and their meanings.

Speaking of weight. I am the exact same weight I was on my last visit to Dr L. However, I am
30 lbs heavier than I was when I met him and started chemo. I often tell people I'd rather have a weight problem than a cancer problem and this is true but I do need to lose this excess weight for a number of reasons...most of which is to avoid any other disease brought on by weight like some other cancers, diabetes (to which I have a genetic link) and to alleviate bone and joint pain.

I can attest that movement does relieve pain. I really need to always be moving...


I added to my "Life Is Good" collection. I bought a baseball cap with the logo on the front. I am really getting into the motto and philosophy.

Check out their website http://www.lifeisgood.com/



Be well.

Been thinking...

A lot about Colorado...It is becoming increasingly more and more expensive to live in this state.

This is Denver at sunset.

...